It's a fascinating world. Well, isn't it? Fascination is one of those amazing things that make living worth it. Is it just a feeling? Much more I'd say. Be it for that shining car or that 'untouchable' Nizam's Jewel, the tickle is an experience in itself.

Think about it. Fascination is one feeling that dominates our life. From its beginning till the end. That first fascination for your mother which doesn't die, till that last breath when the fascination is the mere desire for another. It's a complex idea but true nonetheless.

Fascination guides us. It helps us make choices. It's our little book of self help at all points in life. Fascination of life, fascination of some person, a thing, it can be anything really. But the one that is the strongest and the most abstract is the fascination of an idea or a dream. Fascination of ideas has fueled building of empires. It has been responsible for the biggest happenings in the history of mankind. We fought for independence being fascinated by the idea of being independent. People solve problems being fascinated by the problem itself. We'll go miles, study for hours, live away from friends and family for the fascination of that one idea of a respected, livable life.

Beauty is fascinating. Hands down. If we see something we haven't before, we're bound to be fascinated. The reaction on seeing this new thing will depend on the level of abstraction the thing brings. If it was quite easily imaginable, the effect is not much. But something that the mind was never able to draw a picture of, will leave us spellbound. Doesn't that happen every time we listen to an amazing song, see a great painting or just read words that hit us? We get fascinated.

With fascination, there are no questions and no answers. We have to just leave everything out and dance to the rhythm of our heartbeat. We have to be a part of the randomness that this world brings to our lives. We have to appreciate it. Learn to be random ourselves because there is only so much that methods and procedures can do.

The sad thing is, our lives are becoming so occupied with so many other non-random things that we have stopped stopping. We don't realise that randomness has a strong sense of beauty attached to it. Randomness and the feeling that it brings with it, is nothing short of being in the presence of god. So here's to that feeling of randomness and fascination. Blah...

When exams are knocking on your door, you feel like doing so many other things that you never even thought of ever before. It's a fact. For instance, another set of these silly bloodsucking parasites are going to make home in my head and I just don't feel like studying. I have thought about so many random things while having books in front of me that it's not even funny. Concentration problem I know. But tell me. How can someone concentrate on something that he/she absolutely hates to do. And I for one have this real seething anger igniting kind of hate towards exams. So while they are on, let me write something to get rid of that anger and hopefully feel at peace, even if it is only for a while.

It started in class X. Bacchon, it's class X and it's serious. Board exam! Board exam! Nahi padhoge toh you won't get good marks and your life will go down the drain. Our teachers, all of them, filled our tiny little heads with fear. And if that wasn't enough, all the relatives would call up at different points of time during that one year just to check if the bachcha was doing fine with studies. As if, if he wasn't, they would come and teach him how to! Khair. That shitty year starts with people calling your parents up and just saying stuff like, is baar to aapke ladke ke boards hain. Bahut pressure hoga na! Please people. Get rid of your obsession. It's not like the report card will be sent to you for evaluation. If the bachcha wants to, he will study. If he doesn't then it's his life. Let him do what he wants!

From here I will divert the story towards yours truly. I did well in class X. Scored more than most of my friends (Girls not included. Seriously where did you get those brains from?). But doing well there was like apne paer pe kulhaadi maarna for me. I had to take up science! Why? Because yes, good marks meant that you had it in you and IIT was your destiny. It wasn't. It never was. Because there were obstacles like chemistry in between. And with the weight of my body and the books of those times, it just wasn't possible for a person like me. But then you'll say it's not special. And those who want to do it, do it. Well I didn't. Hang me! I went to a stupid college called Hans Raj. Where they don't even care if people don't get good drinking water. But that's a different story. What I want to say here is, why do I had to go through that torture? Because I wanted to study! Isn't the whole argument flawed? Study like crazy because you want to study like crazy. No. Now people will say, no. They'll say it's about becoming something and proving your capabilities. To get a good job. To earn money and get settled. Blah Blah Blah...

You have to start by giving that stupid VMC entrance test. The first setback is that. All your friends make it into it and you are left thinking, wow, am I really that bad? Then the coaching classes take over. If not VMC then the ones that you feel will help you crack it. In my case it was tuition from three different people. All I got from those classes was good friends. I never really studied. And I am not a bit ashamed. Why should I do something that I hate? The only mistake I made, I fooled myself into thinking that maybe that was what I was supposed to do. Biggest mistake of my life.

Then came the stupid MBA entrance exam thing. I graduated with a computer science degree. I know absolutely nothing about business. I couldn't even justify to myself why I wanted to go in. Truly, it was because of the salaries that they print in those newspapers everyday. That's the only reason. I personally don't even know a person who has an MBA! I mean really. I have never even talked to one. Isn't it incredible how much your surroundings affect you? It's a flowing river. And we all just try to be a part of it. Because we have been told that the river will end in the ocean for sure. And that's where we are supposed to go. But what if I am not an ocean guy? Maybe I like mountains more. Also, what if I do reach the ocean and realise I wasn't supposed to come?

Why is our society dominated by a follow the trail kind of philosophy? Isn't it like we want to just imitate others? Can you justify your reasons of doing something? Seriously? I will never be able to answer why I actually sat for those entrance exams. The only good reason I can really come up with, because everyone else did. And probably because it is a fashion in my country to. Who is responsible then? The world will very conveniently say you are. But I am not. Because I was a child. You filled my head with crap. You showed me the path. Never showed the alternatives. I blame you and only you. You said Agar aapne CAT crack nahi kiya then you are not living the dream! Well. I don't want to live the dream. Try living for once...

P.S. Watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. makes me just too too happy!